My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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