My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
