He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
