You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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