I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
