Can Purell be used as lube?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
