I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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