just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
