Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
