What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
