Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
