if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
