I heard we made out
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
