i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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