If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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