Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
