Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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