Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
