Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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