I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
