I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
