3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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