I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
