Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I could make wine with my vomit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
