told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
