Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
