just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
