Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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