You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When did angry sex become our thing?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
