I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
