1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
