you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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