it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
