rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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