billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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