And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
