Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
