I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
