So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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