I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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