drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
