I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
