i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
