It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
