guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What did we do last night that was yellow?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
