We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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