The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
