Pappa wants mamma naked
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
