Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
