you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
