Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
